9 Simple Ways to Stay Connected with Your Grown-Up Children

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m terrible at keeping in touch. This is something I know I need to work on, and it’s the first of many things on this list that I need to add to my routine. If it weren’t for my wife, I’d probably be completely out of the loop by now with my kids and that needs to change.

When I say schedule regular calls, I don’t mean calls every single day, but having something planned and sticking to it is important. Without regular communication, you end up like me, playing catch-up on not just the big events, but all the little ones too.

Another mistake I make is that when I do check in, I go straight to asking about the grandkids. It’s so easy to focus on them and when communicating, it’s important to remember that my grown-up kids have lives too. Obviously, if you’re lucky enough to see each other in person often, calls might not need to be as frequent. But when full-time jobs, distance, and busy schedules get in the way, regular calls or video chats help keep that connection easy and convenient for all.

Also Read: 10 Life Lessons Every Grandparent Should Pass On to Their Grandchildren

This is another one that seems so obvious when you think about it, yet I’ve let it slip, and, honestly, most parents I know with grown-up kids don’t do it either. When my kids were younger, I used to play video and board games with them all the time. Board games are still something we do around Christmas, but there’s no reason that can’t be a regular thing instead of a once-a-year tradition.

My grown-up children still love the competition of board games, and the boys still love their video games. These are interests I could easily join in on, not to take over or parent them, but just to connect, communicate, and spend time together doing something they enjoy. The key is knowing what your kids love and, if you have any interest, joining in without making it feel forced or like you’re there to supervise. It’s about having fun together, not about stepping into a parenting role.

We’ve covered some of the easier, more obvious ones, now for something a bit more psychological. No one wants to feel like they’re being manipulative, but sometimes you have to be intentional about keeping a conversation going. If you ask a question that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” it’s easy for the chat to fizzle out before it even starts.

This ties into the next section on the list and also connects back to what I mentioned earlier about asking only about the grandkids. To have any real communication, you need to get them talking. My daughter, for example, is often a closed book, and this is a strategy I use to keep a conversation flowing. No parent wants to have one-word exchanges with their grown-up kids. When this happens I end up worrying something bad is going on in their life they don’t want me to know. It never has been the case, but that’s the way a parent’s brain often works. So asking open-ended questions helps make sure the conversation doesn’t hit a dead end before it even starts.

We’re only four items in, and I’m already admitting to the third thing I’m awful at. It’s not that I don’t care about my grown-up kids’ lives, I absolutely do. But when I talk to them, my first questions are always about the grandkids. I know that might make it seem like I have little interest in them personally, which couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s why I need to change my approach.

As part of my new routine, I plan to ask about them first in any conversation. When I use open-ended questions, I’ll follow up on their responses to show that I’m listening, and listening attentively. Now, I know that might sound a little manipulative, and maybe for parents who have a naturally effortless relationship with their grown-up children, it is. But for those of us who struggle with anxiety or find conversations don’t flow easily, a bit of planning helps. Even if they catch on, it just shows that you’re making an effort to be a part of their adult life.

Finally, one on this list that I’m not awful at. I think this comes from my own childhood experience. When I was young, my dreams felt far-fetched for where I grew up. I wanted to make movies, but the people around me, who cared about me, wanted me to focus on something with a more realistic end goal. They weren’t wrong, but I’ve carried that memory with me, and because of it, I’ve never been the type to put a dampener on someone else’s ambitions.

What I’ve learned is that even if a dream seems unlikely, it’s best to be positive and encouraging. You never know what might happen, and even if things don’t go exactly as planned, life has a way of putting people on the right path. That doesn’t mean ignoring red flags, if their choices are leading to something dangerous, like addiction or self-destruction, that’s when the parenting hat needs to come back on. But in most cases, being supportive is easy. A little research into your grown-up kids’ ambitions and interests can go a long way. It not only shows you care, but it also helps you ask the right questions and have meaningful conversations about what excites them. All of which is a great way to get them to communicate more with you.

As a parent, it’s easy to let pride get in the way of asking your own kids for advice. Don’t be that person. No one is infallible, and everyone, no matter their age, is always learning and experiencing things that might be valuable to you. Seeking their advice isn’t just about getting useful input, it’s about showing them that you respect their knowledge and opinions.

For example, my daughter loves her books, and I often ask her what’s good to read and why. I trust her judgment, and she knows my taste, so it’s a win-win. Another example is my son’s love World of Warcraft. I used to play over a decade ago, but lately, I’ve been looking for a distraction to keep me from antique buying. So, I’ve been asking their opinions on the game as it is now. These might seem like small things, but they help build connections. And if I ever needed advice about their professions or areas of expertise, I’d have no hesitation in asking for advice on bigger, life-changing decisions.

Think about how rewarding it feels as a parent when your child comes to you for guidance. At the end of the day, we’re all just people, with similar emotions and feelings. Seeking their advice doesn’t make you less of a parent. it just makes you human.

This ties into seeking your kids’ advice, but in my experience (and my wife’s), it’s much harder to achieve. Even now, with my eldest almost 30, I still sometimes see the little kid throwing tantrums when things didn’t go his way. But that’s on me, not him. Shifting from a parent-child relationship to an adult-adult one takes time, and I’ll admit, I’m still working on it.

A perfect example of this is the ongoing debate in my house about who should be calling whom, should the kids be calling us, or should we be calling them? It’s a pointless argument because it assumes the old parent-child dynamic instead of recognizing that we’re all adults now. The more I try to shift my perspective on this, the more I realize I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. And honestly, this shift in thinking is one of the main reasons I’m writing this list in the first place.

I’ve worked with social media since it first started (anyone remember MySpace?), but I loathe it. That said, plenty of people love it, including my grown-up kids. The problem is, that they use specific communication platforms that I either don’t have, don’t use, or have never been interested in. And here’s the catch, if my wife and I don’t put ourselves in the places where our kids naturally communicate, we risk becoming more and more out of sight from their daily routines.

It might sound ridiculous, but think about how often you forget to check in with someone simply because they’re not popping up in your notifications. Seeing a name in a feed or a message in a favorite app keeps people in your thoughts. If I expect my kids to scroll through their contact list just to check in on me, I’m probably setting myself up for disappointment. Let’s be real, the younger generations aren’t doing that unless they absolutely have to. To stay connected, it’s better to meet them where they are.

Also Read: 7 Things Every Parent Should Know About Social Media and Teens

One of my fondest childhood memories is Sunday roasts at my mom’s. The whole family would descend upon her tiny apartment, and for a moment in time, we’d have these beautiful family dinners. I’ve never been able to recreate that, but it’s something I’d love to push harder for, even if it was just monthly. A family dinner would be a great way to bring everyone together and keep communication flowing.

I also think it’s an easy invite to accept for all, as who doesn’t love a home-cooked meal? In this age of busy lives and fast food, a sit-down dinner with family can feel like a rare treat. It doesn’t have to be every week or anything overly formal, just a chance to enjoy good food and good company. Plus, shared meals have a way of bringing out stories, laughter, and connection in a way that communication over calls or text doesn’t.