The capacity to maintain emotional attachments in interpersonal relationships is called emotional availability. Emotionally unavailable people typically have difficulty maintaining relationships since it is impossible to have a good connection in a relationship if there is no emotional connection.
When things go wrong in our romantic partnerships, the natural inclination is to point the finger at the other party. Of course, there are instances when problems are, in fact, the responsibility of the other party:
However, there are also occasions when the blame is with us, and we must recognize when we can be the source of the issue.
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It’s okay if you’ve ever pondered whether or not you are emotionally unavailable or ever wondered what the warning signals are for being emotionally unavailable. The following are six indicators that you are not emotionally available for a relationship – at least not now.
1. You Don’t Get Close to People
Even if you are emotionally unavailable, it is feasible that you still have social interactions, establish friends, and date. But when you have some quiet time to think, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you form relationships with the people you would consider your closest friends and peers?
- Do you feel a connection to them on an emotional level?
- Do you allow your feelings to be affected by them, or do you treat them more as a listening ear or a casual acquaintance?
The response will probably be no, especially if you don’t have any emotional availability. To hang out is one thing, but letting your guard down is entirely different.
2. You Haven’t Been In A Serious Relationship For A While
Even though this may not prove that you are emotionally unavailable, it may be one of your symptoms. Take a moment to reflect on your past relationships and ask yourself when the last time was that you had an authentic connection with and cared about another person:
Can’t put it together?
This may be the first sign that you have evolved a coping method to keep others at a distance. This coping mechanism is called an avoidant attachment style or even its cousin, the fearful-avoidant attachment style.
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3. You Never Feel Ready For The Next Level
If you want to see someone occasionally and, even after years of being together, the commitment or closeness level isn’t improving, this is a significant indication that you are not emotionally open.
Possibly you are only alright with meeting them on Wednesdays. Still, you refuse to see each other more than once per week, go to activities hosted by your respective groups or workplaces, or meet the families and friends of the other person.
Suppose you find yourself creating excuses but cannot provide any valid explanations for your reluctance or your need for such a significant amount of ongoing space. In that case, you are better off by yourself.
4. You Keep Things Super Light And Casual
You are the King or Queen of Small Talk, and when it comes to keeping people at a distance, you prefer to err on the side of “fun,” even though what you’re doing is keeping them at a distance.
Suppose the dynamics of the connection are very unplanned and casual. In that case, you won’t have to deal with an excessive amount of closeness or the messy portions of relationships, which are the parts that require a genuine commitment and delve into challenging mental and emotional problems.
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5. You’re Easily Irritated
It’s possible that you simply don’t have the emotional availability to deal with having a significant partner if the person you’ve recently started dating is irritating you for no apparent reason as you continue to see them.
If you find yourself in this predicament, you should first consider how you are reacting to it. Think twice about dating them if there is something concrete that stands out as a significant issue.
The second piece of advice is to think about the things that set off your triggers. Ask yourself why you get angry or upset when your new significant other says certain things.
If you are having trouble finding a solution, the issue may be as straightforward as you are not yet prepared for a romantic partnership.
6. You Close Down When Told To Open Up
If you refuse to show your vulnerabilities or are pushed to disclose too much or too fast, you may withdraw even further. So go at your own pace.
If a spouse or friend assures you that your words are secure and lets you trust your own pace, you may feel close and safe enough to deepen your closeness. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. As you grow to trust yourself and others, seeking help is a good instinct.
For the definition of emotionally unavailable, check out the Urban Dictionary.
