As a parent of three, my youngest is now 19, I’ve witnessed first-hand the ups and downs of social media in a teen’s life. For my daughter, it wasn’t just a way to chat with friends; it was her window to the world. She stumbled upon incredible things, like The Iliad by Homer, which sparked her love for literature. But, as with most things online, not all the content she consumed was positive or helpful.
When I raised concerns about her time scrolling, she asked pointedly, “How else am I supposed to keep in touch with people?” And she’s not wrong. In today’s world, social media has become the main way teens connect, making it almost impossible to avoid.
My perspective on all this is probably skewed. I’ve worked on games that use the same techniques as social media to keep users hooked, those addictive dopamine-triggering mechanics. I’ve also spent years using social media for marketing, so I know how carefully these platforms are designed to grab and hold our attention.
As both a parent and a professional, I’ve seen the benefits and the risks of these platforms. It’s why I wasn’t surprised when, in May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a warning about social media’s impact on kids. In that warning, he pointed out that there isn’t enough evidence to say it’s safe and highlighted growing concerns about its potential harm to young people’s mental health.
With all that in mind, I’ve pulled together 10 key things every parent should know about social media and teens. Let’s dive into the facts, the risks, and how we can help our kids navigate this digital world.
1. Why social media is essential for teens
For teens, social media is like breathing, in so much they most cannot live without it. For example, 90% of teens aged 13 to 17 have used social media, and 75% maintain at least one active profile. It’s why when I raised concerns about her time spent online, I had no rebuke for what she said (as mentioned in the intro).
The bigger issue for parents today is how to enforce screen time or in this case, social media time. Phones have become essential not just for communication but for schoolwork, homework, emails, and group projects. Unless you as a parent are actively monitoring usage, it’s tough to separate productive phone use from hours of scrolling.
To try and address this, I’ve consistently tied social media use to weekly allowances. Social media was part of a bundle of bonuses on the table. For example, if my daughter showed me each Friday that her phone social media stats were below the agreed hours, she’d get a few extra dollars. It was very much like how we had a chart for chores, and how completing them would be rewarded with a bonus. This structure worked to a degree, but we still had plenty of debates about what was “fair.” Even so, it showed me that while limits and incentives can help, there’s no escaping how vital social media feels to teens. It’s their lifeline, their connection to the world, and often their strongest argument against our concerns.
2. It’s not just frequency, but it’s time
It’s not just that teens are using social media, it’s how long they’re on it every day. Almost half of all teenagers spend at least 4.8 hours scrolling, and that kind of time adds up, often at the expense of sleep, school performance, or physical fitness.
In my house, social media didn’t just compete with TV; it completely replaced it. For my two boys, the only exception was the occasional live sports event. My daughter? She’s all about streaming, whether it’s on her TV or her phone. None of them went out to engage with friends in the way I did as a kid, and this isn’t just a recent shift. My oldest is 29, so we’re talking about trends that go back almost two decades.
Of course, not all screen time is social media. My sons spent hours playing eSports, and my daughter listened to audiobooks for hours at a time. These aren’t inherently bad things. In many ways, they’ve replaced past forms of entertainment, what was once playing out in the neighborhood or watching hours of cable TV has now shifted to digital spaces. For those of us who sank time into games like World of Warcraft, it’s not that hard to understand. Social media, like MMORPGs, can become a way to connect socially.
The key difference, though, is the impact. Gaming or listening to audiobooks might engage the mind or even spark creativity, but social media, especially when it’s filled with comparison or misinformation, can take a toll mentally. It’s just not the same as connecting with friends face-to-face or engaging in something physically active. Finding balance is the real challenge, and for most parents, that’s easier said than done.
3. You’re not alone, many parents are concerned about social media
Mental health is a huge topic for me, personally and as a parent. I’ve dealt with anxiety for years, and with dementia running in my family, it’s something my siblings and I are constantly aware of. (Side note: placing an Xbox controller in the fridge still wins me the prize for “most forgetful moment” in our family debates.) So when I see stats like 28% of parents worrying about social media causing anxiety or depression, and even higher concern for teen girls at 32% compared to 24% for boys, it resonates deeply.
I’ve also seen depression firsthand in one of my children. It wasn’t linked to social media, but rather the weight of modern life for teens. The pressure to perform academically, fit in socially, and navigate a rapidly changing world can take a toll on their mental health. When you add social media into the mix, unrealistic comparisons, online drama, or the constant influx of news, it’s easy to see how it could amplify those struggles.
The Surgeon General himself has admitted we don’t have all the answers yet. Some research points to potential harm, but they’re still figuring out the full impact. That said, I’ve always believed it’s better to err on the side of caution. If there’s a chance it’s contributing to mental health struggles, it’s worth finding a way to monitor and manage it. The tricky part is that taking devices away isn’t the answer (see #1 and #2 above).
4. The psychological impact of modern communication
Beyond mental health, parents also have other concerns. According to surveys, 68% of parents believe social media affects their teen’s ability to socialize normally, and 56% think their child has developed an unhealthy desire for online attention and approval. While I can’t directly comment on these figures, my children have varying levels of confidence and communication skills, but I’ve seen enough to understand the potential for social media to influence attention and interactions.
Here’s an easy way to test it, plan a family meal and allow phones at the table. Then try to have a conversation with your teen. If they’re constantly breaking eye contact to check social media alerts during conversations, it’s a sign those notifications are pulling their attention away from real-world interactions. That said, there are exceptions. Maybe they’re waiting on a message from a friend to coordinate plans, fair enough. But I once watched my daughter and a friend spend hours in my living room without saying a word to each other because they were both glued to their phones. It was bizarre to me, but for them, it was just how they communicated.
When I was a teen, communication revolved around landline phone calls, as my mother at the time had grown up with landlines, my use of them wasn’t new. However, when I first got a cell phone, it was strange to my mom that I could call her while out of the house. Modern communication via apps and social media is the next evolution of that same connection. For example, I’ll admit I don’t entirely understand why people use emojis, but for those who do, they convey meaning. It’s similar to how some people use shortened “text speak” that I don’t follow, but that’s how my grown sons message me sometimes. (Though, knowing them, they likely do it just to annoy me!)
Modern communication might feel strange to us as parents, but for teens, it’s second nature. It’s only when these behaviors start interfering with face-to-face interaction, during family time or important social moments, that it should become concerning.
5. Parents censoring and setting rules
Continuing from parents being worried about social media and their teens, it’s no surprise that many are stepping in to set boundaries. 80% of parents have established rules around smartphone and social media use, and half have even censored their teen’s social media posts. These numbers reflect how many parents share concerns about social media.
For me, the tactic of incentivizing responsible use worked well with my daughter, as I mentioned earlier. My sons were a little different, social media wasn’t as much of a focus for them, so it wasn’t as much of a challenge. That said, I’ve learned that if you don’t set the rules early, it’s much harder to course-correct later. Social media is packed with dopamine-triggering mechanics, notifications, likes, and FOMO (fear of missing out), and a developing teenager’s brain is particularly vulnerable to them. Once they’re hooked, stepping away can feel nearly impossible. Think of it like a gambling addict (a great reason these mechanics should be slapped with a gambling warning).
The good news is that most platforms now offer parental control features. They’re not perfect, but they’re a good starting point. As a parent, you should learn how they work, and use them consistently. Whether it’s setting time limits or restricting certain content, these tools can help you stay on top of your teen’s social media habits.
6. The unavoidable reality of early access to social media (and phones)
Despite most social media platforms requiring users to be at least 13, nearly one in five children between the ages of 9-12 are already using social media daily. By age 14, a staggering 91% of kids have their own phone. These stats highlight how early kids are diving into the digital world, and as much as I might wish otherwise, I can’t deny that I played a part in my own kids’ early adoption of technology.
My sons had phones by the time they were 16, but my daughter got hers much earlier, around 13. When you combine that, with the peer pressure people face today to participate in social networks, it’s an outcome of my own making. One I can’t blame social media for. Looking back, I also remember when I was 16, a teacher led a lesson on MySpace, the old social media platform, and had us create profiles. Fast forward to today, and many college students are required to make LinkedIn profiles as part of their coursework. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can be helpful, but it does prove that there’s no escaping social media for today’s teens.
In my experience, early access to technology was never the concern, just how that technology was used when unsupervised. All three of my kids had smart devices and early exposure to technology, and they’re all doing well today. The challenge, as always, is setting clear rules and boundaries and enforcing them (as I mentioned in the previous sections). It’s not easy, and what works for one teen may not work for yours. So please always seek expert advice if concerned.
7. Social media is built to retain attention
Social media isn’t just popular, it’s engineered to keep us hooked. Platforms use short-form content and carefully crafted algorithms to trigger dopamine release, making it all too easy to lose track of time. This isn’t by accident; it’s by design. As someone who’s worked on games that use similar engagement mechanics, I’ve seen firsthand how effective these techniques can be at keeping users coming back for more.
For teens, the impact can be even greater. Their developing brains are more susceptible to these dopamine triggers, whether it’s from the instant gratification of likes, the pull of endless scrolling, or the fear of missing out on the latest trend. I’ve seen this in my kids. My daughter, for instance, could spend hours watching TikTok videos, and my sons to this day are no strangers to losing themselves in the online mobile game Raid (I know neither of these things is social media, but they are as addictive). It’s easy to see how time disappears when every swipe or tap is designed to keep them engaged.
It’s not just about losing time, though. Social media’s algorithms are built to deliver content that grabs attention, often through emotional triggers. This can range from funny memes to comparison-heavy posts that can subtly impact self-esteem. For those of us who spent hours on early internet platforms, as I did, this might sound familiar, except now, it’s faster, more targeted, and always within arm’s reach.
If you are concerned about your teen’s use of social media, please seek expert advice.
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